PJ Pants on Fire is meant to be a light-hearted, silly and mostly comical look (yet deeply profound and life-changing) at the world of personal development and what has me personally fired up. 

Lately, I’ve found it hard to put a “positive spin” on things. I just don’t have the funny mojo. I assure you it will be back, but in the meantime I wanted to delight you with an oldie but goodie: WHY BEING ON A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY MAKES YOU CRAY CRAY.

I wrote this a few years ago and of course, it still stands. If you’ve ever wondered what in the eff is going on with the spiritual ups and downs you experience as you awaken, this little blog post may give voice to that elation mixed with confused frustration.

Enjoy! And stay safe, love yourself and love everyone around you as much as you possibly can. Stay tuned next week for my updated Manifesto! (cue the confetti): 

Armed with my oracle cards, raincoat and reusable coffee mug, I begin to ascend my Mt Everest of UNWORTHINESS.

Halfway up, I stumble, twisting my ankle (AGAIN DAMMIT!) on the BIG TIME DADDY ISSUES rock sticking out in my path.

I keep going and walk it off; the swelling isn’t too noticeable. It looks like I stuffed a loaf of bread in my sock, but not so bad if you ignore the constant friction from each step.  

Fast forward (because this is already boring): I’m hanging by my fingernails from a rocky summit. “Um, Universe a little help?”

“Just let go!” the Universe yells down from the top.

Really? Well, I guess I could give it a little trust and faith and all that. 

Here goes: I LET GO.

Plummeting towards the earth at breakneck speed, I start to panic.

“Build your wings on the way down? Who the fuck thought of that plan?!”

Just as my nose is about to hit the ground, a majestic flying horse gallantly swoops me up. We ascend into the heavens once again.

Ahhh…God is great. I feel so alive! What a beautiful view up here. ALL IS WELL.

I feel at one with everything, especially with this strong horse! I feel so much love and I could kiss everyone–EVEN the jerk who stole my seat at the food court last week. My heart is a warm and fuzzy box of kittens.

I’m too drunk on love to notice that my winged specimen of grace has tipped forward. He drops me from a height of 1000 feet into a predator infested jungle.

Umpf! I hit the ground, flattened. “Thanks for the ride, four-legged one!” I squeak. He’s gone. Well, that was rude.

Lying on my back, I realize I could really go for a plate of fries right now. This spiritual survival shit makes me hungry.

After a few hours of shaking my fist at the powers that be, I gather myself up and step through the mud, past snakes and unidentifiable deadly creatures, looking for shelter. 

Eventually, I come upon a Rabbit. Peter Rabbit, I assume.

I feel a real kinship and begin to tell him my problems. He blinks and hops away. Snow White, I am apparently not.

A couple of miles and a bad case of poison ivy later, I arrive at a cottage. This is it! Just like in The Shack! I’m saved.

I go inside and a lovely woman with long red hair greets me. She gestures to the chair by the fire and hands me a mug of tea. Smiling, she says, “You need to practice being grateful, my child.” She is about 35ish and I’m middle aged. Awkward.

“Mother… er … can I call you that? I assure you I’m very grateful for my life. Like the time I fell from the summit of Mt Everest, being thrown to the ground by a giant winged horse and crawling through Poison Ivy with low blood sugar. I am eternally grateful for these unnecessarily harsh lessons. But when does it start to get good?”

“It’s all in the way you look at it. It’s either a failure or a learning. Everything is happening FOR you, not TO you.”

Hmm … so if I punched her in the mouth, it would be FOR her. I mull this over.

Presently, I fall asleep by the fire, with visions of violence dancing in my head … all through the night not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse.

I wake up in my own bed, in my normal apartment, on a normal Tuesday at normal o’clock. Had it all been a dream? It couldn’t have been! It was too real.

Then I remember I have a Chakra Reshaping appointment scheduled for ten! I throw on my yoga pants, grab my double latte and run out the door. Today is a good day and I’m very grateful to be alive. Grateful mostly that my dream was just a dream AND thank goodness I don’t have poison ivy. That shit is terrible.

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