Were You Taught to Be a Good Girl (or Boy) Growing Up?

In the interest of keeping things simple, when I say good girl in this post it includes good boy. When I was a little girl I was very close to and looked up to my Papa, my mom’s father. He was a very positive male influence, sadly the only one, and so his approval meant the world to me. That’s why when he would say, “Be Good,” I took it on as an absolute requirement.  

Good Girl Goes Sideways

Being a good girl became the fabric of how I showed up in all areas of my life: relationships, work, health, etc. The way I interpreted being good was to follow the rules, respect your elders, don’t rock the boat, don’t make people uncomfortable, make sure others are feeling good and ignore your own needs. Actually, don’t bother even knowing what your needs are because they don’t factor into the grand scheme of things, meaning, being a good girl in society. 

Good girls grow up to make good marriage material.

Good girls grow up to be the girls you want to ask favours of and get things taken care of in a timely manner without complaint. 

Good girls grow up to be anxious, full of self-doubt, procrastinators, perfectionists, depressed, unfulfilled, taken advantage of, broke, abused, silenced, alone or in a dysfunctional relationship, but always with a smile on their face and a can do attitude.

Good Girl Gets Aware

It took me over twenty years to crawl out from under the rock I was pinned under to actually be myself and express who I am into the world. But first I had to wake up. 

I had to wake up to the fact that I was choosing men who didn’t want me and I was too afraid to be alone to see it. I would’ve rather twisted myself into an emotional pretzel than admit that someone didn’t love me, like me or want me. 


I had to wake up to the fact that most of my extended family were incapable of giving me the attention, recognition or acceptance that I craved and that they were never going to seek me out. 

 I had to wake up to the fact that I was letting other family members play me like a violin until I was severely emotionally damaged from the manipulation. 

It was the hardest thing I had to do but when I faced the truth, I was able to heal the deep festering wounds. I was able to find my voice. I was able to find people who really did love me. I was able to come home to myself in a way that still makes me want to cry with relief.

This is what I want for you: the kind of emotional and inherent freedom to relax and be yourself. If you’re looking for a space and the right kind of support to heal the good girl/good boy patterning within you so you can finally relax, be yourself and feel loved, I invite you to join my monthly online membership program POW! Empowered People PleaserAcademy. 

Click here to learn more

 Good Girl Winning  

To finish my story, I completely changed around my life. I created what I call the Empowered People Pleaser Process: True Awareness, True Acceptance, True Connection. With these deeply transformative principles I was able to: 

I safely distanced myself from toxic family members and where appropriate, created harmony and resolution with others. 

I healed the trauma of being the odd person out in my family and what felt like the environment I grew up in. 

I have a successful business as a healer and coach and I’ve worked with hundreds of clients around the world to help them be their true self. 

I met the love of my life and we’re getting married this December. He sees me for who I am and loves every aspect of me and vice versa. I am truly seen and cherished. 

Good Girls Can Win. The world needs your heart, your empathy and your ability to know and feel things deeply more than ever. Please join me in my movement to empower every people pleaser out there so together we can create a world that feels like home and feels safe to be you.

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