If your mouth feels like it’s sealed with super glue every time you attempt to tell a loved one how you really feel or when you try to tell your boss what you really want, you are not alone. Today, I want to share 3 fears that could be stopping you from speaking your truth.
For the first 30 years of my life, I could’ve had a very successful career as a mime. When I attempted to make my voice heard, I would quickly revert to the smile and nod move instead.
Not being able to communicate who you really are when it counts drains you. You feel exhausted. You feel down. You feel insignificant and alone. And you certainly can’t create a life you want by staying silent.
Overcome These Fears
I don’t want you to continue to suffer in silence which is why I wrote this post–to give you the knowledge that will give you the tools to overcome these fears. I’ve seen these fears trip up my clients and I struggled with them for years until I was finally able to find my voice, build my business, find my soulmate and create so many other joyful experiences that I want for you too!
As you read through the 3 fears, see which one feels the strongest for you. This knowledge is power and will lead you to the next step in no longer having these fears control your life and stifle your dreams.
Fear of Being Hated/Angering People You Love
- Fear of Being Hated/Angering People You Love It’s easy enough to say: sticks or stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. We all know this is complete BS! Of course words hurt–they cut deep! If you’re reading this I assume you are a member of my community and therefore, a beautifully compassionate people pleaser. In other words, you care deeply about what people think of you! You can’t think of anything more terrifying than having someone angry with you. Never mind the horror of having a hater.
I’ve done a lot of healing in this area and I fully understand the panic and terror that can set in when you have this conversation in your head, “Can I tell my family I changed my mind and don’t want to move across the country? Or do I just make the best of it? Naw, I’ll learn to love it. I’m adaptable.”
What if your family is immensely relieved when you tell them your authentic feelings? What if they are grateful you told them the truth rather than being on the receiving end of your intense resentment? Don’t assume your voice will cause a blow out. You are bringing your light to the situation. And light is a blessing to everyone whether they agree with it or not.
Fear of Being Made Wrong/Bad
- Fear of Being Made Wrong/Bad
If I tell my best friend that I’m back together with my ex, she will think I’m an idiot or a pushover. Fears make a lot of assumptions. Let’s examine what assumptions come up in this scenario:
- The fear is arrogant enough to say, “I know exactly how this person will react”
- My friends and family are out to get me, rather than support me
- Other people’s opinions of me must mean it’s true
Consider whether you’re willing to let someone else’s feelings about a scenario define who you are. Are my fears all knowing, all powerful or are they just fears?
Fear of Ending Up Alone
- Fear of Ending Up Alone
If my friends know how much I’m struggling with overwhelming anxiety they will run away. I can’t find someone to love by being honest that I’m a homebody; I’m not fun enough the way I am. This fear is insidious because it follows every aspect of your life and colours every choice you make. If your ultimate fear is ending up alone, then you will do anything to prevent that from happening. This is where self-abandonment really takes over.
Your fears are what can isolate you, not telling the truth. Being yourself is what draws compatible, loving and supportive people to you. When you’re real, people can feel close to you. You can feel close to them. Every problem becomes easier to solve. By clamping down on your awesome, unique voice, you create a vortex of silence and distance around you. Open your mouth and let out your wisdom, your essence, your lovely notes of sound that make up who you are! People will love you for it and there will always be a community wanting to share and listen along with you.
Write down which fear feels the strongest and journal about your experiences. Question the fear, call it out. Do you really have that much control over my life, fear? Or can I turn the volume down on the fear and turn the volume way up on my voice, my power, my creativity? What is possible when I speak my truth and stop letting these fears run my life and make my choices for me?
If you’re ready to be fully supported as you learn to Speak Your Truth, Feel Loved and Have What You Want, sign up to get on the waitlist for my epic new program POW! Empowered People Pleaser Academy below. Doors open November 2020!