The People Pleaser Dilemma
If you’re a self-professed people pleaser like I am, you are sensitive and have big love to share! The problem is you also have a big fear that if you reveal your True Self, you will end up alone. So you do your utmost to twist into an emotional pretzel and make everything smooth in your relationships or potential relationships. When you abandon yourself to make others happy, they know this on some level and they either a) reject you or b) make you feel alone within the relationship. You are not experiencing true love and intimacy. Nobody is being real. So how do you turn this around to finally relax, be yourself and feel loved?
Be Aware of Your Heart
Easy to talk about, I know, believe me. I ignored my body from the neck down for the first twenty-three years of my life to the detriment of my relationships (all dysfunctional and painful), my body (chronic digestive and skin issues) and mind (negative outlook and mood swings) and soul (anxiety from longing to be myself).
What is your heart telling you in the moment? True Awareness, something I teach my clients in my three step process to being themselves and having loving relationships, is the first step. On a daily basis can you take a moment and ask yourself: what is my heart telling me? Listen for the soft whisper of wisdom. Follow the guidance and see where it takes you.
Accept Your Heart
The next step to creating mutually loving relationships is to accept what your heart is feeling. I can’t tell you the amount of times I went into the other direction of my heart’s desires and brought misery upon myself. I have to stay in this relationship otherwise I’m a judgemental person. I need to stick it out because you’re not supposed to give up in relationships. I’m going to date this guy even though my alarm bells are going off like the bells of St Mary.
Make a conscious intention and commitment to listen to and accept what your heart is telling you. You don’t have to go and uproot your entire life once you accept the truth. You go with the next step towards listening to your heart. The heart doesn’t lead you to disaster and chaos; your heart will say, “we aren’t happy and here is what we can do next.” Believe the heart is intelligent because it is!
So, accept the resentment, jealousy, anger or longing with full compassion. Allow the feelings to speak to you without silencing or judging them. Notice how I haven’t spoken about the other people in your life so far? This is another key. We often spend so much time talking about what the other people, friends/loved ones/intimate relationships need to bring to the table without actually spending time knowing and accepting what YOU want.
If you’re resonating with my Empowered People Pleaser Process, you’re going to love my very special masterclass “Become an Empowered People Pleaser: How to Have Mutally Loving Relationships Without Sabotaging or Abandoning Yourself” Tuesday November 3rd at 1 pm PST/4 pm EST. This is the actual process I used to attract the love of my life, heal my painful relationships with my parents and most importantly, cultivate a magical relationship with myself. Click here to register!
Connect with Your True Self
Dedicate time every day to get to know yourself. Do check ins, journaling or musing about common questions we ask others but never ourselves:
What is your favourite colour?
What do you love to do for fun?
Name some influential books, people or experiences in your life and why they are important.
What is your favourite food?
Spend time with yourself. Or hey, ask yourself–what do I really want to do for fun?
Work this process every day for at least 2 weeks. I can’t wait to hear what you find out about yourself and how loved you truly feel!
Were you surprised that having a mutually loving relationship to a certain extent actually has nothing to do with other people? Like I said we are so eager to jump into relationships, friendships and partnerships without having a clue what our heart is saying or what we want. Work this simple 3 step process and see what you find out. I found out who I am and I’m experiencing more love flowing into my life than I ever thought possible. And I want that for you.
If you’re looking for more of an in-depth deep dive into this process, I invite you to join me on Tuesday November 3 at 1pm pst/4pm est for my masterclass “Become an Empowered People Pleaser: How to Have Mutally Loving Relationships Without Sabotaging or Abandoning Yourself” We are going to demystify the process of being yourself and giving and receiving that big love that is here for you to experience! Click here to register